Day 541
In the past 13 months, I have rarely missed a day of working on recovery. A couple of weeks ago, having completed one year of journaling, I took some time off "for the holidays." My addict did not take time off. I did not slip nor act out sexually, but the unwanted thoughts increased, I had days when I forgot I am an addict, and there have been more stressful days and moments with my wife than we've had in months. Is there a direct connection between my not working the program and these discomforts? Everything in recovery says 'yes.' I don't want to agree, but I choose to not disagree. Today is New Year's Day, and it's a restart or at least a resume.
Interestingly, I've probably prayed more with the intentional "Dear Father..." sorts of prayers during this period than I have in the past year. I express no conclusions, but I hope and trust that this is part of the spiritual path that draws me nearer to Him. It may merely have been my soul, knowing that I was not working my program, an act of subtle desperation to reconnect with a protector. I see good and bad in those scenarios. No need to figure it out; let's just get back to work, and be thankful I did not fade as much as I could have.
–JR
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
–Simon & Garfunkel, "Slip Slidin' Away"
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