I just noticed three things about my recovery, curiosities that have lined up into a juxtaposition of milestones, or perhaps millstones. I'll report; you decide.
Today is the one-thousandth day since my last acting out event, at least as my inner-circle manifestations go (sex outside of marriage).
Today is the 2nd anniversary since I first gave my First Step to a room of sex addicts, an event filled with both a hellish fear and the promise of a turning that could change my life.
Today is Easter. Today my tribe celebrates the hellish weekend leading to a sacrificial death, and ending with the promise of a resurrected life.
We should not get too crazy trying to make too much of the coincidental markers of life that have lined up so nicely on the journey of this particular sex addict. But neither should we pass on the observations and symbolisms that are part of our travels, even if they are nothing more than nice little feel-good moments wrapped in hope.
Likewise, I refuse to let go of the notion that our Higher Power is working upstream in the strangest of ways in each of our lives, preparing the moments and chance occurrences that can lift us up, get our attention, or even provide the impetus to claim another promise. Whether we recognize these opportunities or apply any lessons intended for us is an entirely different discussion.
I'm also going to pass on the temptation to examine the dangers of the arrogance required to believe that the sun and stars can line up just for me, or that the havens of hell so desperately need another soul that this alone explains my addictions and compulsions. I'm just going to sit by the river of thoughts and consider the following:
One thousand days, one day at a time. Wow. I am humbled and blessed by the people, the grace, and the program that have been part of that. But in the end, all I really have is today. What I want first is to be sober this one more day.
It is difficult to start a journey of any meaning without taking that proverbial first step. The positive difference in my life between the two years prior to that Step and these two years since are simply immeasurable, and for me, unbelievable.
He is risen. He is risen, indeed.
–JR
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