Day 650
The COVID-19 lockdown taught me some new skills, or at least the opportunity to refine skills that I should be better at anyway. When we started this strange new world, my wife and I were very good about staying in and keeping others out, including the people that heretofore had been cleaning our house every two weeks. So in the spirit of partnership and carrying my weight, I've been doing my best to sweep, vacuum, dust, wash, and other routine home chores. While I do it willingly, I probably would not do it as often as my wife thinks it should be done. So this morning, after resisting a comment about how the house was already clean enough and could wait until our cleaning service returned, I put on a comfortable shirt and picked up the dust cloth. As I worked, I began making metaphorical observations about the similarities between my tasks to clean the house and the Steps to cleanse my spirit. I noticed that as I dusted a picture on the wall that I had to make a conscious effort to drag my rag along the top of the frames, especially the ones slightly out of reasonable reach. As I dusted my nightstand, I couldn't help smiling at things that used to irritate me. For example, before I dusted, I had to move the clock, and my chargers, and the overhead light remote or I would be leaving accumulating particles, spores, and dead skin in hard to reach places under those conveniences of life. I also noticed places that I apparently missed, for whatever reason, the last time I dusted, so I made a note to be sure and check there next time. It is so easy when I'm not struggling with the lures of sexual addiction to shortcut my program. It's also easy to talk myself out of taking my depression meds when I'm feeling good (again!). I think ignoring the dust gathering on top of the refrigerator is a similar thing. If I'm okay today, why should I bother with the repetitive motions of my program, any more than I should dust the house where I can't see the dirt. One reason is enough; okay, maybe two. First, my wife has terrible asthma, and keeping the dust at a minimum helps her stay alive. Second, working my program when I "don't need it" helps ensure that I don't need it. I want to stay sober, and the Steps are the best way I know.
–JR
コメント