Day 652
Will I always be reminded by hearing others in recovery freshly describe moments and addiction-driven behaviors that I've nearly forgotten? Will I forever divert my eyes from signs that used to call me, or from racy scenes in a movie? Probably. I suspect it is part of the price of my situation. Not the price of my guilt, but the price of having an addiction that is always looking for a hand-hold in my soul. A year ago, I would have expected these unexpected thoughts to take me to unremembered places, but I also expect that I would have anticipated being past that by now. I'm still less than two years sober, so I'm guessing that my friends in the program with more than double-digit sobriety would smile, if not guffaw, at my first question. I used to think a lot about how long it would take me to get sober enough that I could stop going to meetings or working the steps. I haven't thought about that in some time. I'm not going to start fretting about it now. Not again.
–JR
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