Day 661
I'm afraid to be somebody's sponsor. As far as I have come over the past couple of years, I'm still reluctant to think that I've learned enough, or am wise enough, or am otherwise prepared with whatever else goes into being a good sponsor. I also believe that that is hogwash. So I listen to my fear and continue to look at scratches on the table until someone better than me accepts the Chairman's call for a volunteer to be someone's sponsor. The day is coming when I'll take on this role for a fellow addict, and I suspect I'll be okay at it, especially if I remember to focus on the sponsee and not inadvertently make it about me. I look forward to that day coming as soon as possible, but not a day before I'm ready. As convoluted as that may sound, this is an area that I tell myself I have been able to surrender to my Higher Power. When His time is right, I will respond to the nudge to raise my hand and join the honorable ranks of those who give of themselves and their time to help others. When I started attending meetings, I presumed that all the sponsors in the room had their grits together to the max and that they were there as a gesture of paying it forward, or something like that. Not so, I have learned. Like the rest of us in the room, some are in a better place than others. The sponsor isn't there to fix me or make me like them; the good sponsor will give me guidance and direction so that with their help and the help of others in this community, I'll be able to find my way through recovery in the unique ways meant for me. I hope I can be that kind of sponsor, when the time is right.
–JR
Comments