Day 754
I saw a story this morning about an author that has had at least one very successful novel that was made into a movie and now has a sequel novel with a sequel movie in the works. The reporter mentioned that the writer had written more than thirty would-be books before striking gold, and his response pushed my buttons on several levels.
"I was writing rough draft after rough draft after rough draft...as long as you stay in motion, you may not end up exactly where you want or envision yourself, but you will end up somewhere." –Josh Malerman, on CBS This Morning Saturday
My first reaction was as a writer, if I may claim that label in a liberal application of genre generosity, was to embrace that description of his writing as it verbalized what I feel. Of course, I would like to be paid to put words on a screen and in a book, but that is not something I can control from beginning to end. So I do not write to get rich, I write because it brings me joy, and in an undeniable way, it is part of the connection with my Higher Power.
As a sex addict, I hear Mr. Malerman's reflection on how he writes in a completely different way, yet it is strangely the same.
In recovery, every day can be seen as a rough draft of where I am going and what I can be in sobriety. Every new day is another rough draft, and then another. I hear stories of how fellow addicts have subsequently hit versions of gold in recovery. They become more successful or happy or both, and it is not despite being a sex addict, but because of how recovery teaches them to be a better person.
We would all like to attain that level of success, but that is not why we do this; it is not why I go to meetings, lay my life bare before other addicts, or live my life one day at a time. I do these things because it is what I must do. At some point, it is more than doing the Steps just to remain sober; we can never be sure where that line is between doing more work than is necessary, and not doing enough to protect our minds and habits.
I am in recovery because I want to live. It's why I eat, and it's why I breathe, and it's why I hope. If there be a rainbow and a pot of gold along the way, good for me. If I see a fellow addict reach that level of growth, I will celebrate for them the way they would celebrate for me.
And the next day, if I'm doing this right, I will still be counting one day at a time, and I will again be doing those things that are seemingly bringing me nothing but sobriety. I may not get to where I would like to be, but I will damn sure be somewhere that is better than where I would be without the effort.
–JR
Our lives are empty pages
Yeah, tonight
It's only what we write
Our lives are empty pages
–Jade Valerie, “Empty Pages”
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