Day 391
More than a few times, I have imagined my future as a humble, nearly cowering individual who must be satisfied with life's leftovers, because even that is more than he deserves. When I committed to recovery, that would have been enough for me.
The program shows me not only a way out of the abyss, but evidence through my fellows teaches me that we are not called to be whipped dogs begging for scraps; we are being given another chance, and that has responsibilities, as well as blessings.
Life is coming back to me. Sometimes I pinch myself because, in many ways, I feel I have not only survived my acting-out, but in a broader sense, I have survived who I was even before that. Sharing that with others who need to know will be both a responsibility and a blessing.
But I still wonder... are my improving thoughts about life and the future in spite my past, or because of it?
–JR
I sit in the dark light
To wait for the ghost night
To bring the past to life
To make a toast to life
'Cause I have survived
–The Smashing Pumpkins, ”I of the Mourning"
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