Day 407
The profound sense of God's presence during my acting-out remains both a seismic mystery to me and very possibly a life-sustaining reality that allowed me to maintain the slightest sliver of hope. I don't know what else to say about that.
My unanswered questions are voluminous, and my gratitude is beyond expression. Amid the unknowns and the unfathomables of feeling stuck in place when I should be using the motivations of blessings, I often question my resolve and even my sincerity, however briefly.
"At times, letting go feels like doing nothing, and doing nothing feels like standing still. But letting go is not the same as standing still. It is active, not passive." **
That's just one of those 'wow' ah-ha moments that allows me to let go quietly without expectation or entitlement. Just letting go is sometimes enough. And sometimes it is hard as hell.
I am letting go. Sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly...
–JR
** Anonymous. Answers in the Heart:
Daily Meditations
For Men And Women
Recovering From Sex Addiction (Hazelden Meditation Series). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.
At times, it's so confusing
The questions of the heart
You followed me through changes
And patiently you'd wait
'Til I came to my senses
Through some miracle of fate
–Survivor, ”The Search is Over"
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