A man who has become a trusted friend over the past year gave his 'First Step' in our meeting this morning. It was not the first First Step I've heard, so I was not naive about what he would be disclosing to our group of six. I mean, I met this guy at a meeting of sex addicts, so there's that. He is a man of faith with a long history of ministering in churches. Being one of those myself, I was drawn to him early on.
Hearing his story today was an emotional roller coaster as he revealed the depths of his repeated failings and current struggles. I was stunned by what he has endured, what he has done, and the pain he has inflicted on those who love him. And I was shaken by the patterns of addiction that I recognized from my own journey over many years. I don't know which had the larger impact on me; I'm still sorting that out.
It was a powerful reminder for me of my addict's baffling strength over my brain and my subconscious. It was a wonderful example of how an addict can be saved by grace, and of the recovering addict's ability to become graceful to others. It once again illustrated how many 'normal' people we all know who are secret sex addicts on a collision course for destruction or restoration, or maybe both.
I have not seen myself as 'normal' for many years, and I sometimes forget how well I hid my addiction from nearly everyone who saw me as a man of integrity and even a man of God.
I'm thankful that I no longer have to fake my image. I'm particularly grateful to be a child of God wanting to be led by Him, instead of that man thing that kept trying to tell God how to run His world. This is so much better.
–JR
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