Day 516
Since my earliest days, I have believed what I was told to believe by my parents. Of course, there were touchstones along the way where I re-upped on those beliefs, sometimes with slight variations. But it was a road I traveled with few detours for most of my life. I never had to 'work' at it, although I'm sure the habits created in Sunday School and church camps went a long way to keeping those beliefs in tow.
What I'm doing now is not overtly about those beliefs, although they will also continue to speak into my life and direction. However, I must now admit that I have failed to toe the line according to those standards for the proper ways of living.
I have had to admit that I am unable to 'fix' me through my strength. I have to create new wiring in both my brain and my belief system. And I am doing it by trusting the program that others attest to for recovery. By going to meetings and making calls and journaling daily, I am focusing my mind and heart, and it is turning me in directions I want to be going. It is not easy, but it seems better than dying. This is what I want.
–JR
People in prayer for me
Everyone there for me
Sometimes I feel I should face this alone
My soul exposed
It calms me to know that I won't
–Dream Theater, ”Scarred"
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