Day 517
There is a difference between 'consequences' and 'accountability.' I can change nothing about my past actions or future consequences (other than working to be a better person today). Being accountable seems to be part of having the courage to change things that I can.
I have a loud voice in my heart that says I still need to suffer more for what I did, even as I come to terms with the implications of my actions being 'disease' driven. I feel like I should be punished, by me or by others, if for no other reason than to demonstrate my regret.
That is probably not healthy, but it is real. At one time, I was willing to accept the ultimate punishment at my own hands. Today I am far from that, so I'll accept that this is progress on a long journey.
Today I will not punish myself if I can help it.
–JR
Every time that I fall for that same old trick
I punish myself with the same old stick
I want to believe it so badly I deceive myself
Forgetting reality
–Todd Rundgren, ”The Waiting Game"
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