Day 214
Being “in the present” is perhaps the most important life-skill I need to develop in recovery. As long as my life is half-way at peace, I do much better at being in the present with my family and not wallowing in the past or dreading the future. But when the consequences of my past show up in the eyes and hearts of the people I love, I too-easily regress into a deep sadness and lostness at not knowing what to do.
I don’t know that this is a lot different than what most people deal with all the time. But I don’t remember the contrast between good days and bad days — or between good days vs. bad nights — ever being like this. I am very aware that this is a hell of my doing, but it is hell nonetheless.
–JR
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