Day 224
It is not unusual for me to forget that I am a sex addict. Then, without warning, the slightest trigger or memory sends me into 'oh yeah' and the immediate sadness of my state. That lingers a few seconds, followed by thankfulness for sobriety and the support/forgiveness of loved ones, and then getting back on the bicycle of life's routines.
Just like I don't want to need the clarity I get through depression meds, I don't want to need the grounding that recovery habits provide. But I do need the meds, and I do need the Program.
I am grateful in the big picture. But in those moments of reminders, I still wish for the perfect world I once thought was required of me, even though it was a place of falsehoods and disaster. I am a recovering sex addict, and I do need to act like one.
–JR
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