Day 742
Abraham Lincoln is credited with more quotes than is reasonable for one person to have actually said. Nonetheless, there is a consistency among most of those apocryphal sayings. Whether they are true or just part of a mythical legacy wrapped around common values, I tend to enjoy them all.
One of my favorite unlikely authentic sayings — even more so since I've been in recovery — goes something like this:
"If I did not spend a couple of hours a day reading my Bible, I could never find the time to complete my duties."
The value I find in this is not in who may or may not have said it, nor as a means of encouraging reading the scripture. What this fablelistic quote says to me is that sometimes doing the right thing is counterintuitive to the facts at hand. We can only learn this through trial and error, or if we are lucky, by watching it play out in others.
I do not have time to spend one to two hours a day working my program, except that I do not have time to not do that. The more recovery shortcuts I take in the interest of finding more time, the more time I waste doing things unproductive, or even counterproductive. The ratio is not close.
Working with concrete is not my favorite labor, mostly because once the forms are in place, and the cement is mixed with the aggregate, I want the task to be complete. Being smarter than the average dufus, I have ruined several projects by trying various tricks to make the concrete cure quicker so I could begin using it sooner.
Mostly I just stopped working with concrete because of my impatience.
If ever there has been something that needs to happen quickly, it's recovery from sexual addiction. If ever there has been something that needs to transpire over time with intentionality and commitment, it is recovery from sexual addiction.
If I mess up a fence because I poured improperly prepared concrete to set the posts, I'll either have to deal with a crooked, unstable fence, or I'll have to tear it all down and start over, presumably doing it right the next time. Do I have to spell out how that metaphor works with not taking the time and Steps to observe the experience, strength, and hope of so many addicts that have come before me? I am no longer the smartest dummy in the room but even I can see that.
God, grant me the serenity, the humility, and the wisdom to take the time needed to find you; to sit with you and sometimes do nothing against my addiction, because sometimes that's what needs to be done to win the next battle.
–JR
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