Day 376
It has been a long time since I've allowed myself to hope for a better future, a very long time. I hope this doesn't sound like a cheerleader's rah-rah, but whether it's the program or the love of a good woman or the rekindling of my Spirit or all those things together, my future thoughts are just different.
I've always been aware of my pragmatic side and my ability to see the realities of risks and challenges. Still, I don't remember the last time those were mixed with the realities of the possibilities and opportunities. This includes my love life as well as my finances as well as my work. Few people have ever accused me of being an optimist, but I never really analyzed how much my view of life pushed me to perpetual survival mode.
It sounds trite, but it's hard to work for better when just maintaining feels like remarkable success that you don't deserve anyway. And the recognition of how that plays to my courage and my fears and my relationships is just now beginning to come into focus for me as I experience the Promises and the promise of hope and the building courage that I can be better and can contribute to better things for others.
–JR
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