Day 379
One of my weaknesses, perhaps from that part of my addiction that requires my perfection, is to judge myself against the values I espouse and the accomplishments I think I should have achieved.
My life has been gifted with experiences and wins that should be satisfying, but I am a constant failure against the backdrop of what I think I should have attained. The idea that I don't have to beat this demon addiction all at once seems frighteningly like a ready-made excuse, instead of the voice of grace whispering to me to seek progress, not perfection; contentment in my journey, not judgment against its failures.
I say I am willing to do all that is asked of me, yet I know in my heart of hearts that I am holding back, keeping secrets that need releasing (although much fewer than ever in my life), and holding on to the protections against the fear of being normal. I find I want to protect some part of me that will still be exceptional, or at least the image of extraordinary that has been a fantasy into itself. I know I will get there; I must.
I am eager to get there; I must be patient. Progress is worth the effort if I stay true in my pursuit of unrelenting honesty.
–JR
That it's never enough, never never enough
Why is all that we have simply never enough?
No it's never enough, never never enough
It's so sad
–Olivia Newton-John, ”Never Enough"
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