Day 703
During the news this morning, I noticed a sign in the background of a guy being interviewed that said,
"Pain Is Growth."
Predictably, the studio anchors commented on the sign in the post-story chit-chat, and it was hung out there as true truth. I'm going to get stupid here and disagree.
The sentiment that there can be growth in pain is fine, and I take no exception to that. However, in my story, if there was growth in my pain, I haven't found it. All I see in looking back is a continual downward spiral over many years as I kept looking for ways to salve my pain, and kept finding nothing but increasing ways to engage in self-destruction.
Sure, it could be pointed out that I'm a sex addict, and the pain is growth saying doesn't apply to sick people. Again, I'm going to respectfully disagree.
Growth is not found in the pain, it is found in how we respond to the pain. I do not think that that nuance is at all subtle.
If the quote from the news story is talking about physical pain, it's the same. In athletic training, there will always be pain as the muscles stretch and tear in ways that result in stronger muscles and increased abilities. But that only works if the athlete responds with the right kind of follow-up, often painful, that builds on the body's response to the existing pain. If the athlete, or weekend warrior, takes to steroids and six-packs to make the pain go away, there may be growth, but it's in the wrong direction if the goal is to be the best they can physically be.
I know too many people, including myself, that did not respond to the pain of the soul in productive ways. I know too many friends that are no longer here because they allowed their suffering to drive them into the shadows of no return. I have seen those shadows up close and count myself fortunate that I found hope and strength through a 12 Step program that offered tools and community for coming out of the shadows and turning my pain into growth as a person.
Pain can be a gift that can point us in new directions, or even alerts us to defects — physical as well as emotional — that need addressing. But whether that pain leads to growth is the part that is on us. I can curse the God that did not protect me from the pain, or I can learn how pain can be a window into my very self, and learn how to learn from that. There's the growth.
Am I willing to build upon what my pain has shown me, or will I just wallow in my misery and miss an opportunity that my Higher Power has prepared for me?
As for me and my addict, today, I will choose to be sober, so help me, God.
–JR
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