Day 339
Friends are a precious commodity, more valuable than lovers, I think. Judging by the lifetimes of poetry, stories, songs, and movies based on such dreams, to have a friend that is also your lover must be one of the world's greatest desires, and more often than not, unrealized in the most normal of worlds.
To have someone that shares a lifetime investment with you, a friend and a lover that remains after being betrayed by your addict and your stupidity, is a miracle. Such decisions — such miracles — are not easy to come by. Such fortune is beyond the hope of an addict accelerating toward his or her rock bottom.
I am fortunate to have such a person. She has been my best friend, whether I knew it or not, for most of my life, and now we are struggling to find the balance and matching our needs and desires between the lovers and the friends. We both believe it is happening, and we both have our doubts on any given day; the only thing harder than doing this would be losing that person. So we invest the time and the energy necessary to learn and re-learn about each other. We forgive each other in disproportionate measures, and cling to memories and hopes and promises that the best is yet to come. And we are both embracing new levels, even new definitions, of honesty.
It's what friends do, even if it has taken decades and tragedies to bring us to each other in this way. Maybe especially 'if'?
–JR
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