Day 341
It's probably typical of the addicted brain, but I'm so focused on that one-year goal — getting that damn first-anniversary coin in mid-July — that I've started worrying about what happens on day 366. Will I be prideful in my accomplishment and stop working the program, or will I be able to mature in my recovery where the goals are truly one day at a time.
I do have some examples in my life that suggest there is reason to worry, but I'm leaning into this angst with hopes of breaking another pattern of my behaviors. In the past, my discipline has often been de-railed once I'm recognized for my accomplishment, once I've proven that I can do it.
I don't have an answer to this right now, but I'd be a fool not to be aware of it. Perhaps the difference this time is that I have proven nothing, except that I woke up this morning with one more day sober behind me, and one more day of recovery in front of me. The one-year mark is not nothing, but it's just a moment in a lifetime of recovery.
There is nothing to accomplish with my recovery beyond today.
–JR
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