Day 356
My wife asked me this morning if my brain ever rests without thinking or arguing about anything. I laughed, but it was also telling that I cannot imagine such a moment.
It's not unusual for me to be thinking about good things or memories, or productive things like planning my day or my next move, but it's been just as likely that I'm also fighting a fantasy or fearing a fear.
In the past year, the pendulum has swung far from where it was in the things I prefer not to think about. A lot of the reason for that is the reading and the writing I'm regularly doing. I'm looking and trying tools for recovery and controlling my thoughts and staying away from those locked-away places of isolation, but it also just takes up a percentage of my time, leaving less opportunity to mentally stray. I really can't imagine a brain break, a time of not thinking. That's not to say I wouldn't enjoy it; I just can't imagine it.
–JR
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