Day 246
Being consistent with moving in the right direction is at the core of my “one day at a time” mantra driving my recovery. I still have many questions about why I did what I did, why I continued doing it, and how I was able to turn my back on so many of my values, but I cannot wait for those answers. I cannot even base my recovery on the expectation of getting those answers.
What I can do is keep my eyes forward, addressing the past only as necessary as part of recovery principles and relationship healing, and be thankful for the path I’ve been given to break the self-destruction and abusive patterns of my addiction. I must hold on to progress. I must respect the dangers of relapse and not live in fear of it.
I’ve been in recovery — going to meetings and workshops — long enough that I’m beginning to see a chasm between those who are committed to recovery and those that are going to the fellowships without working a program between gatherings. I do not want to see these things. I do not want to have opinions about any other individual’s efforts. But I do want to know the differences between those who succeed and those who do not.
While I do not claim that this is as simple an answer as it might appear, I do not want to return to the motions without the progress, like I see some doing.
I hope I can continue to learn the ‘best practices’ of recovery, without doling out judgment against those who continue to struggle with finding their path to working The Steps. After all, I attended meetings and went to counseling for many months before I committed to trying recovery. It was many more months before I took the necessary actions to work my program actively. I must remember that I may be more fortunate than some of my brothers, but I am far from being better in any way.
I must continue to work at getting healthy; it will not happen on its own!
Dear God, grant me the humility to progress without comparing myself to those who struggle in different ways.
–JR
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