Day 257
While doing my program work today, I came across a conversation about all the gifts that men and women give and receive to each other. That is not a sexual reference, that is a life observation, whether it’s true or not.
I am surprised at my negative reaction to such thinking. Yeah, I'm not getting this. Not today.
At worst, I am trying to recover from a life where sex is the commodity that fueled all my relationships, even when nothing physical was involved. At best, This is an obvious perfect-world standard going back to the Garden of Eden, but has been spoiled by people like me.
I mean, I understand the concept on its face, but it does not seem to be something I need to be working on at this point in recovery. And regardless of what the value of this may or may not be to myself, it is certainly not something I want to interject into the dynamic with my wife right now. I can’t imagine how to broach this with her in any way that would not sound completely self-serving.
It just seems like an odd and confusing point of emphasis in a recovery program, but maybe it will make sense further down the road. Perhaps it's just me. Maybe it wasn't really intended for someone still new to the Steps.
Maybe it's exactly meant for me.
–JR
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