Day 258
As I've come to terms with how easy it has been for an 'honest' man to tell so many lies for so many years, I have also come to accept that those lies were born from a lack of courage. It seems I did a lot of things in the spirit of 'getting along' or trying to make people like me. As a wordsmith, crafting creative syllables around a spec of truth was too often another form of not telling the truth. It was also a source of cleverness that fed itself and disguised its deceitful nature.
This whole dance around dishonesty has been devastating to my self-image and self-worth. I find this particularly odd since I seem to be the only one that knew — at least at some level — that I was not the stalwart of honesty and courage that I worked so hard to make people believe I was.
That honest person was also who I wanted to be. It still is.
–JR
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