Day 316
I hear a lot of guys in recovery talking about their 'anger issues,' especially toward people who brought them down or loved ones that keep reminding them of what they've done. They are nearly always regretful for their outbursts. The stuff of anger is more than I can talk much about; I suspect where some people feel mad, I feel sad — deeply sad — and may be just angry at myself. I am learning to hear my wife's anger instead of her words. I'm learning to release my anger over things that happened decades ago, especially those things that I heard through the proclamations of angry people that might be untrue but never challenged, and thus allowed to become false truths. I may be the antithesis of someone with anger issues. That doesn't mean I'm never angry, but I know I've had more genuine anger at bad refereeing and idiot politics than I've had at other people in daily circumstances. I've spent most of my life thinking it was a weakness that I could not express anger at people I know; I would ignore the rare instances when I felt it because I didn't want to be that person. But now I think it was just part of my denying my realities. However, it may also be one of the few true character strengths that have been with me since childhood. I wish I knew which. Maybe it is both.
–JR
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